Finding Your Way Through the Holidays: A Letter About Joy, Boundaries, and Taking Care of You
Dear Friend,
As the holiday season unfolds around us, I've been thinking about you.
For some, this time of year feels magical—twinkling lights, cherished traditions, the warmth of gathering with loved ones. And that's beautiful.
But I also know that for many of you, the holidays bring something else entirely: anxiety about family gatherings, the weight of old wounds resurfacing, or the complicated dance of navigating relationships that don't always feel safe.
If you're feeling that tension—where part of you wants to embrace the season while another part feels heavy or overwhelmed—I want you to know something important:
You are not alone. And what you're feeling makes complete sense.
When Your Body Speaks
Maybe you've noticed physical signs as the holidays approach: tightness in your chest, knots in your stomach, tension headaches, or that sudden irritability that seems to come out of nowhere. Perhaps you feel emotionally numb or find yourself bracing for interactions before they even happen.
These aren't signs that you're being "too sensitive" or "dramatic."
They're your nervous system doing exactly what it's designed to do—responding to stress, even stress you might not be able to fully name yet. Your body remembers what your mind sometimes tries to forget: the criticism, the unresolved conflicts, the patterns that have caused pain before.
As I often remind my clients: the body never lies.
Permission to Protect Your Peace
Here's something I need you to hear clearly: Setting boundaries during the holidays isn't selfish. It's essential.
Boundaries aren't about being rude or "starting drama." They're about honoring yourself and what you need to feel emotionally safe.
A boundary might look like:
Limiting how long you stay at a gathering
Politely redirecting conversations away from triggering topics
Choosing not to engage in conflict, even when invited to
Saying no without lengthy explanations
Leaving when you need to, not when others expect you to
And here's the truth that's hard but freeing: setting a boundary doesn't guarantee others will respect it. Boundaries aren't about controlling other people's reactions—they're about taking responsibility for how you allow yourself to be treated and what you're willing to accept.
You get to decide what feels right for you.
Your Voice Matters
I know many of you have learned to stay quiet—maybe because speaking up in the past led to conflict, dismissal, or being told you were "too much." Maybe in your family, keeping the peace always meant swallowing your feelings.
But please hear me: your feelings are valid, and your voice matters.
Speaking up doesn't require yelling or creating scenes. Sometimes it's as simple and quiet as:
"I'm not comfortable discussing that."
"That comment was hurtful to me."
"I need to step away from this conversation."
"Let's talk about something else."
Honesty doesn't have to be loud. It just has to be true.
Anchoring Yourself
Self-care during the holidays isn't indulgent—it's survival. It's how you stay grounded when everything around you feels chaotic.
This might look like:
Taking deep breaths in your car before walking into a gathering
Excusing yourself for short breaks when you feel overwhelmed
Journaling before or after family events to process what comes up
Connecting with a friend who truly sees and supports you
Resting without apologizing for it
Saying no without guilt
You're allowed to take care of yourself, even during the holidays. Especially during the holidays.
If You're Spending the Holidays Differently
Not everyone will be surrounded by family this season—by choice or by circumstance. If that's you, please know that your experience is valid too. Whether you're feeling sadness, relief, loneliness, or peace (or all of these at once), there's room for it all.
This can also be an opportunity to create something meaningful for yourself:
Design a new tradition that feels good to you
Spend time in nature—it has a way of grounding us
Connect with chosen family or community
Create a cozy, restful space just for you
Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a dear friend
You are deserving of warmth and connection, even if your version of the holidays looks different from what you once knew.
A Gentle Reminder
The holidays will bring whatever they bring—joy, grief, nostalgia, frustration, hope, or all of these woven together. Whatever shows up for you is okay.
Please remember:
Your experience is valid
You deserve to feel emotionally safe
You're allowed to protect your peace
You can honor your needs, even if others don't understand them
This season isn't about being perfect or meeting everyone else's expectations.
It's about showing up for yourself—gently, honestly, and with as much compassion as you can muster.
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
If this season feels especially heavy, if family dynamics are bringing up old trauma, or if you're struggling to set boundaries and protect your well-being, please know that support is available.
We're here. I'm here.
You don't have to navigate this alone.
Wishing you gentleness, peace, and moments of genuine joy this season,
Anna Thames
Anna Thames Counseling
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